I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
