I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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