Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
