Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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