Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
