i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
