I'm jealous of your bromance
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
