ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
