Ambien. No doubt about it.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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