i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
