Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Is Oprah even human
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
