Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
