hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
