Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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