He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
