Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
