We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
