i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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