Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
