Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
