Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
