she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
