my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
