First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize