the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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