things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize