wrigley field is MILF paradise
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
