Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
