Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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