Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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