What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
