guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I skipped work to stalk him.
operation have a gay friend backfired
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize