went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Someone came in the potted fern
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
