do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
