I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize