Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
