People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize