is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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