plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
