We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
