mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
