i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You've changed since you got that strap on
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
