i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Quick, to the slutcave!
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
