Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
