the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
someone owes me an orgasm
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
we're so committed to being not committed
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
