he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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