its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
