Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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