So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
