discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So much rum. So many feels.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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