Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
