all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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