I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
