I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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