I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
