haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
