Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
