Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
