Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
