yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize