And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
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