He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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