so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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