Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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