my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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