Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize